We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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