my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The uberlube is also flammable
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
