Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
