so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
