So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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