Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
