I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
