i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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