did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
