dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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