exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
