the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
