i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
