we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
