So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
