i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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