i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
