I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
