i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
