Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
