So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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