Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
