Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
