All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
