I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
