you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
