i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
