Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
