Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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