The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
