your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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