it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
