New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
