wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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