I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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