Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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