if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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