Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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