i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
