the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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