That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
