Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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