I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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