my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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