are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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