So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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