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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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