i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
