Swine flu. Run for my life!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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