i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
